Bought a new Trek bike and I’m one of those weirdos with a busy cockpit.  Lights, Cameras, Computers (shoulda said “Action”, I know), coffee holder.  I’m definitely predisposed to an Urban Commuter style of riding.

But the new bike is a fancy Carbon bike (FX Sport Carbon 4) and I decided to clean things up a bit.

Trek BLENDR

So basically the BLENDR system is a clip that sits between the useless space in the handlebar stem which allows you to mount a couple of items.

Cool.  I had to try it.

I have an Elite Stem so I made sure to order the right stuff for it.  They have a compatibility chart.

So I wasn’t sure if I wanted to mount one thing or two things so I bought both a Mono base and a Duo base.

IT’S A PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT.

First of all you can’t find them anywhere.  That implies 2 things.   It’s either really popular or its a piece of fucking shit.

It’s the latter.  First of all.  They ain’t cheap.  $20-30, and remember, I bought 2.  Then you have to remove the handlebar from the stem to insert the base clip.

THEY DON’T FUCKING FIT.  Oh dopey me.  This is when I go back and starting reading product reviews for these things.  “They don’t fucking fit” seems to be the standard review.

I snapped the Mono base trying to remove it which caused it to move higher on my Piece of Fucking Shit list.

Then I decided to sand down the Duo base to make it thin enough to fit.  I successfully did that, made it fit and then couldn’t tolerate the imperfect look of a hand sanded clip on my new $1800 bike.

All is not lost though. I went to Thingiverse and found 3D printable mounts that actually FIT.

3D Printed Blendr Base

Why, oh fucking why do two $20 dollar mounts designed by Trek for Trek bikes using a compatibility chart made by Trek net you parts THAT DON’T FUCKING FIT?

How is this possible?

Trek Engineers assigned to the Blendr project……..please report to Ukraine.

My 3D printed part FITS PERFECTLY and looks almost as good as the hard molded plastic from Trek.

I opted for a Mono Base for my ION light (which is a great Bontrager product) and kept my Garmin mount, instead of printing a Duo Mount

So, to Trek I say this:  Fuck your BLENDR system.  I can’t even return the shit because I broke one and ground one down to make it fit.  I’m Chris Rock and Trek is Will Smith.

Granted, there are other Stems, which may have parts that fit, but the parts for the Elite Stem are fucked.  Fuck you Trek.   Again, it’s not just me.  Read some reviews.

Thank God I own a 3D printer.