Verizon and Apple Watch – Piece Of Fucking Shit

It isn’t often that I confer my coveted “Piece Of Fucking Shit” Award on something.  Today I give that award to Verizon Apple Watch.

I save it for those really special tech items that defy all logical reasoning.  This is one such case.

My wife and I got married about a year and a half ago but still were on separate cell phone carriers.  I finally got around to getting us on one bill.

She was on Verizon and I had T-mobile.  I moved my phone and an existing Apple Watch Series 5 over to Verizon.  I upgraded my iPhone SE2 to an iPhone 13 which was “free”.

Let’s not get me started on that.  I don’t know what they think “free” means, but it’s not free.

Since I’m moving over and getting a new phone I figure out I might as well get a new Apple Watch Series 8 cellular version.  A lot of people can’t justify the cellular Apple Watch, but I feel like I can.  Even my wife agrees.  I ride a bicycle, generally on 20-25 mile rides and having a cell phone attached to your wrist is a safety feature.  It just is.

The Fun With Verizon Apple Watch Begins

So now I have 2 Apple Watches.  The first one comes with a piece of paper that tells me what the phone number of the watch is.  I pair the watch to my cell phone and during installation it sets it up “as a new device”.  I set it up the only way the prompts allowed me to set it up.

Then I notice it has a new phone number.  I get on a chat with Verizon support and they assure me this is fine.  The watch works. I’m happy.

UNTIL THE NEXT DAY WHEN I LOG IN MY ACCOUNT AND SEE THAT BOTH PHONE LINES ARE ACTIVE AND I’M PAYING FOR BOTH OF THEM.

I contact Verizon and ask them to delete the first line.  And they tell me that if I delete the original number that I have to pay the watch off immediately.  $500.

I swear I should have done this.  After trying to swap the numbers with Verizon my watch showed that it had no eSIM installed.  What followed was 2 tech support sessions about 8 hours in length total.  Keep reading…………..

Finally I get the watch working on cellular as it should. But only after selecting yet another phone number as it simply will not set up on the original number.  So here I am again.  I have to pay off the watch because the original line it was assigned to is now deleted.  Fortunately, old John saved his money and $500 is not that big of a deal.  And I like owning it and not paying for it monthly anyway.

Verizon Apple Watch – Play It Again Sam

Time to set up Watch number 2.  The Series 5 I brought over from T-mobile.  I decided to pair it with my wife’s phone and give it to her.  She’s started walking and riding her bike at lunchtime and the same rule applies.   Having a phone attached to your wrist is a safety feature.  It just is.

Except now I spend 1 1/2 hours on the phone with Tech Support on Friday and about an hour on the phone Saturday.  The tech then tells me he can’t do it. He doesn’t even try to escalate me to the next tier.  Then recommends I go to the store.

Wait a fucking minute here.  I’m talking to an escalated Tier 2 technician and he tells me to go to the store, in person, in the hopes a fucking cell phone salesman can help me?  But what choice do I have, other than to call back and spend hours more on the phone?

Several techs over the course of this experience tell me that Apple Watch is the number 1 consumer of time with Tech Support and that what I’m experiencing is not unique.

WHY DID YOU SELL ME A NEW WATCH KNOWING THERE ARE HUGE ISSUES MAKING THEM WORK?

Summary

I’ve been a Verizon customer for about a week.  In that week I’ve been on a text or voice call for about 10 or 11 hours over 4 separate days AND MY FUCKING PROBLEM IS STILL NOT RESOLVED.

So for this Verizon, I award you John’s Tech Blog’s Coveted “Piece Of Fucking Shit” Award.  Wear it proudly.

UPDATE

I went to the Verizon store locally on 14 March, 2023 and briefly told my story to the salesperson who let me know she was a salesperson and not a tech and wondered why Verizon would send me to a store.   She paired the watch and it immediately connected to the Verizon cellular network during the setup.  She didn’t do anything that I didn’t do at least 15 times.  It is obvious the issue existed on the Verizon network end.  Bad software, maybe incorrect provisioning of the watch……I dunno.  Finally got both watches working but Verizon Apple Watch setup still currently deserves the Piece Of Fucking Shit Award.